Alive - and Possibly Well

I'm back from my whirlwind travel of the last week or so. I've been in 8 planes in just over a week. My belly has popped - which isn't saying much since I always have had a belly. I'm skinny everywhere (due to 1st tri sickness) and have this bump in the front that is unmistakeably all baby.

I haven't thrown up but once in the last 2 weeks! I'm attributing the one puking episode to the awful flight I took on the way home that day. The turbulence was so bad the flight attendants were not allowed to leave their seats till about an hour into the flight. There is a reason they don't let pregnant women on roller coasters. I felt like my baby was in my rib cage and then slammed back down on my cervix over and over again. Everyone was eyeing me with worried looks. I was just closing my eyes and trying to soothe the junior in my belly.

So it appears as if I might be off the full fledged sickness stuff. I still feel nauseous in the car on long rides but try to minimize those experiences. I'm worried about starting to take the pre-natal vitamins again. I have a hard enough time pooping as it is (no pun intended) I'm worried that those pills will send me right back to that awful stomach cramping and vomiting. I know I should be taking them - but the Doc said to start up again when I felt better. I'll get around to it - but it'll probably be when Mr. M holds me down and force feeds them to me.

I'm 16 weeks as of yesterday which means that hopefully I'll be feeling this baby soon. I've felt all kinds of things going on in my belly all of which I attribute to gas or indegestion. So I'm not really sure how I'm going to be able to say "YES" that definetly was baby.

The travel continues in my schedule. I'll be heading to Phoenix in two weeks for a short quality check on our fulfillment department and staying maybe 1 extra day and having Mr. M join me for some warm relaxation. I'm also heading to Fort Lauderdale in the end of March for a week with mom at her time share. We were hemming and hawing over this trip but after we went to Miami for that short time we decided that warmth is definitely rejuvenating for us and we need to squeeze as much in as possible before its too late to travel for me.

I'm off to go swimming with my sister at her health club. Can't wait to experience the pregnancy swimming that I hear is amazingly boyant. Just hope the swimsuit still fits - because there is NO WAY I'm buying a maternity swim suit. I'll go two piece before that happens.

Don't Jinx It

I haven't thrown up since Tuesday - keep those fingers and toes crossed, I might be in the clear.

I just got back from a 2 day emergency trip to Miami to bury Michael's grandmother. Very sad - but a lovely long life she had at 91.

Tomorrow I have to get back on a plane to San Antonio for a 4 day conference. Wish me luck - I'll need every ounce of energy I can muster.

Done - You Think You Are Done?!?!

Silly silly little pregnant girl - you are nowhere NEAR done.

So I've been getting some energy back and have been surfing some of the other pregnant ladies blogs out there. I'm a fiend about reading birth stories - what can I say, I work in Research for a reason - and it ain't for the money.

I've even managed to make it to the gym twice! Both times I did about a mile and a half on the treadmill walking at a speed of 3 - 3.5. Then I got on the bike and did about another 20 minutes with some stretches to round out the whole experience. I feel like I'm not really working out - probably because I'm comparing it to those weightloss workouts where I'd be dripping sweat and panting after my hour of cardio and then slam some weights around.

So I was feeling pretty good - even skipped a few days on the nausea meds. I thought - I'm definitely coming out of this - I'm in the clear! WRONG WRONG WRONG.

I threw up last night after the gym and began shaking uncontrollably. Then I threw up again this morning while brushing my teeth - I SWEAR I did not touch my tongue and still my stomach was seizing and I was throwing up bile. When I put the last week or two together - I haven't gone more than a day without throwing up at least once. So, I guess my feelings of being out of this puke induced haze are merely wishful thinking.

We went to our first OB appt with the Dr. yesterday morning. She's smart and a bit of joker (which I looooove), she's very matter-o-fact and seems to know her shit. One concern that sits at the back of my mind is that she has already brushed off my comments about anxiety and fear of needles/pain. My biggest requirement of a Dr. is that they validate what I'm feeling. When I tell them I get severe anxiety I need them to take that seriously - not wisk me away and say "put it out of your mind, you won't be thinking about that when the time comes." I feel like grabbing them by the shoulders and shaking them hard and saying, "NO, I'M TALKING PASS OUT AND HYPERVENTILATE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

I try to keep calm and continue reading whatever I can get my hands on regarding birthing options and birth stories. Some of my friends/family warn me about reading so much saying I'm gonna get myself all worked up for no reason. For me its about having all the information and being prepared for my journey regardless of how it ends up happening for me. I want to know what all the terms are and what each drug is used for. I want to read what worked for some women and what didn't for others. I may not need the info in the end but there is no reason not to arm myself with the knowledge.

We heard the heartbeat and it was clear as a bell this time. No digging around not being able to find it. She went straight to the spot saying that at about 13 weeks the baby is right above the pelvic bone because it's starting to make its way upward out of the pelvis. Junior came in at a 142 BPM and the average is between 140 and 160, so he/she is doing lovely. My bloodwork came back impeccable - which I wasn't surprised about, I'm a relatively healthy woman, I come from a hearty midwestern upbringing and am usually pretty active.

Doc says another week or two and I'll be feeling night and day different. Lets hope she's right about that one.

Same Old

I know I should try to be one of those people that posts religiously while pregnant - so that I can document my pregnancy to cherish it always and one day share with my child. I can't bear to do it. I'm tired of listening to myself already and I just started typing, because I know what comes next. The part where I once again wade through the dreggs of sickness and misery.

I've been sick - nausea pills or not - I throw up a lot. For a while I would sob uncontrollably everytime I'd throw up and plead with God to please make it stop. God laughed at me. I kept throwing up.

I'm managing the day-to-day better now that I've at least figured out my triggers and peak periods for sickness.

Here's what works.... FOR ME:

• Wake up slowly - and generally take my time in the morning
• DO NOT BRUSH TONGUE - I cannot stress this enough, my mouth hasn't been fresh in 7 weeks.
• Small Meals - several times a day, I shouldn't call them meals. More like snacks: pickles, nuts, carrots, yogurt, etc.
  
• Vitamin Water - or sports drink. Hydrated means I get to poop this WEEK.
  
• Take nausea pill at 3:00pm - no later, no earlier, always with food
• Move your body - being a slug makes you feel like a ... duuurrrr ... slug!

Here's what does NOT work:

• crackers and saltines - if its that easy - YOU AIN'T SICK
• ginger suckers, ginger tea, ginger anything - digestive aid my ASS
• Peppermints or Peppermint Tea - all I get is peppermint throw up - which BONUS if you have the stank nastiest breath known to man.
  
• Feeling sorry for myself - oddly enough, I still feel shitty afterwards
• Pleading to the Gods above - I'm suffering for some horror I caused my mother, I'm sure of it.
  

I'm not better - yet, just managed I would say. I throw up occasionally if I don't follow the "DO" list exactly, but at least I"m able to work an 8 hour day again. What I've moved on to obsessing about is the pain and suffering of childbirth. I'm terrified, like pee my pants terrified of the birth that is coming whether I like it or not.

I've done my reading - and all I got from that was overwhelmed. Everybody thinks they know the "right" way to birth a child with minimal pain. Since I'm Mrs. Listy today I'll give you a sampling of my knowledge, behold...:

• The Bradley Method - actually read the founders transcript of a speech given in the 60's to which he explained this method as making the most sense because the MAN is the head of the household and should therefore be the leader or "head" of the birth as well. I agree with parts of it - but I can't swallow the male dominance bullshit. It's basically a method that encourages "Husband and Birth Coach" and gives the partner a more active role in the birth - lets remember girls, MEN DON'T AND NEVER WILL GIVE BIRTH. So WTF?
• Lamaze - you know the drill, hee hee hoo hoo. Basically this method was designed to distract from the pains of labor. The previous method encourages re-directing the energy from the pain to forward moving labors. Hyperventilation and low oxygen supply to the baby are the drawbacks.
  
• Active Birth - this is the earth women of the world coming back into action. The main stance here is why in the world are women giving birth on their BACKS??? Why wouldn't they be squatting, sitting, leaning, moving, etc? I agree with many points of this method. I like the idea of a warm bath to take away some pressure and to generally relieve your body of its weight during early labor. Squatting makes a hell of a lot of sense to me. Gravity and all that.
• Doulas - once again, earth mother returns. These trained individuals will (for a fee) coach you through your late pregnancy and delivery and in some cases return for post partum and possible breast feeding support. They enact and encourage many of the active birth principles and will suggest during labor different positions and massaging to try. They do NOT take the place of your husband or partner (but can if you need them), they simply do what you need of them, whether its getting ice chips or pushing on your pelvic bone when your on all fours.
  
• Hypnobirthing - a method of self hypnosis to deal with labor pains. They also tout the claim that your baby will be born more alert and awake due to minimal need for drugs and epiderals. 2 - 4 sessions are recommended.
  

As you can see - the possibilities are endless, and I haven't covered nearly all the options available. You can see how someone would get overwhelmed who wants to do the right thing for their baby (which all claim to be) and the right thing for a pain freak such as myself. I've decided to put the books away for a bit so I can gain some clarity. Google is not my friend right now as I get hooked into each new method as if "YES I could TOTALLY do that!"

The bottom line was spoken best by friend Emy, "You can't plan this Suzanne, that baby comes out the way it wants to."